I am covered in bug bites.  If I'm outside, everybody else nearby is safe because the mosquitos loooove my blood.  And every time I'm scratching miserably I am reminded of a childhood memory that I will share with you now:

I was raised in a very conservative religious family.  And we were supposed to ask God for things we wanted.  In retrospect this was probably a way to keep us from nagging our parents, but pray to Jesus and he shall answer was the rhythm of my childhood.

I was about 7 and all my friends were complaining about their itchy bug bites.  They were counting them and seeing who had the most.  I had none.  I felt left out.  And so I prayed Jesus would give me a bug bite.  The next day I played outside and was certain I would soon receive a heaven sent mosquito.

I don't know what bit me.  But it was absolutely of the supernatural variety.  It bit my knee and at first I was thrilled.  Praise the Lord my prayer had been answered!  But the bite didn't stay small.  It got bigger and bigger and bigger.  It turned into an enormous lump that was hot to the touch, oozed a clear fluid, and made my entire knee swell to twice its size.  Walking was painful.  My mother debated taking me to the emergency room but didn't because this was the 80s and my leg was a grotesque mess but it was still attached.  You had to be more than two clicks from the morgue before you earned yourself a trip to the ER back then.

I cried and cried and told my mom it was all my fault.  my leg hurt, the itching was unbearable, and I had done this to myself.  My mother was obviously confused so I explained that I had prayed to Jesus for a bug bite. I had coveted my neighbor's itchy bumps and wanted one for my own.  And I was being punished for my sin of jealousy.  But my mom knew how to make it all better.  Somehow, with a straight face, she suggested I pray and ask forgiveness.  And so I did.

But every summer since then I'm the best meal in town for the mosquitos and all their blood sucking friends.  And I've never forgotten.  Ask and ye shall receive indeed.

The end.