Number 7 will be here soon. Consider yourselves warned offspring.
This is the message on the white board that my children will be greeted with upon their arrival from school:
Greetings Beautiful Children!
Your mother can't be with you anymore. Instead, I regret to inform you that the cranky, irritable, and short tempered woman who resembles your mother will be in permanent residence for the next three weeks. YOUR mother, as she did with each of you, is busy devoting all of her physical, emotional, and mental energy towards growing a HUMAN BEING right inside her own body. This miraculous ability is just as hard as it sounds. And, since all energy is being funneled to NEW LIFE, there is little to none left for the rest of you. Suck it up buttercups. Here are your survival tactics for the next three weeks:
* Your entertainment devices have been removed. They will be returned when the house is sufficiently cleaned. DO NOT ASK FOR THEM. BAD MOVE. VERY VERY BAD MOVE.
*NO Fighting, Arguing, Bickering, Complaining, or Whining. NONE. There is a ZERO tolerance policy in affect for the above.
* Memorize the following phrases and use them frequently: "What can I do to help?" "Can I get you anything?" "Would you like something to eat/drink?"
*Choose from the list of chores that will be provided and do them willingly, quietly, thoroughly, and DO NOT HALF-ASS IT!
* If any of the above upsets you, think VERY VERY hard before letting your displeasure be known.
* Remember- no child was ever in trouble for cleaning!!!!
